On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
