We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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