im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
