Pants 0. Shit 1.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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