I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
