If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
