You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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