We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
