I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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