I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
