Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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