Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
