So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
