I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
