Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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