remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
