hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
