i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
