my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
