Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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