Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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