He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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