JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
