how can u be prego again
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
