I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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