I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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