Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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