I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
