I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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