Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
