theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
