I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
