He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
