Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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