What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
