I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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