I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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