so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
