I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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