Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
