There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
