I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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