There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
