I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
