lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
