Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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