bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There r osticjed everywhere
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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