Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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