We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
