I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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