I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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