I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
