haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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