I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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