So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
