he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
