She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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