whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
