Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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