that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
