woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
