She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
