11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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