i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
