I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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