It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
