i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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