just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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