that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize