Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
