the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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