dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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