im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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